The “B” (3/3)

She’s in heaven I’m sure and there’s no doubt about itIf you asked her for something you’re sure to hear about it.. 

how hard she worked -so her dollar had a worth 

Only person who would give you the money and make your spirit hurt for asking.
I reflect on these moments and catch myself laughing. 

Never spent the time that I could 

And now that time is gone for good

I miss her like crazy cuz of her I’m not lazy 

She was one hell of a lady and I am her grand-baby. 

I walk now in a way I can see

I speak softly but don’t ever try me

A lot of who I am or more of who I can be 

I owe it to the one they call “B”

The “B” (2/3)

Never said she loved me but she always meant it. Gave me my only care package in college but didn’t send it. 

Hugged me a few times and I read between the lines. 

Would always give me candy but no nursery rhymes. 

Put a ball in my hand before my dad did, could never really fathom why I was sad kid
Anything I would ask for she would hand it

Yet I always felt so empty handed

The “B” (1/3)

Pick ya head up when you walk, you gon get knocked over the head. I listen to voice of what Willie B said.
Tears don’t move me, made me feel she doesn’t give a fuck. But it taught me that a real man always makes his own luck. 
Almost made me feel bad cuz I didn’t know what she meant, but it definitely showed me the value of common sense. 
These life lessons lasted longer than her life, they live in my memories as if they happened last night. 

…518

Dancing in the middle of the street
…with a song on repeat
Rhythmic movement tripping over my own feet
I escape…

The sounds of the cars don’t pollute my mind
In fact at this moment in time
I’m free

Arms spread wide spinning in circles with my eyes closed
Seeing things unseen I conquered the theory of time fold
My souls old

“It seems, as one becomes older,
That the past has another pattern,
and ceases to be a mere sequence…”
Or a trance, non happenstance…
So im in the present partnered
with dance

…518

Cracked Crayola

Cracked Crayola

Broken Crayons and blank canvases
formula for the colors
yet I don’t know what the answer is

Masterpieces from disasters, no sharpener on the box
using the brown backend to outline the jagged rocks

Lightly shading clouds with the unraveled paper of blue
dreaming of being with the picture cuz it’s a better view

Bright sun rays set a blaze for a scene that looks mellow
outlined my shine with dull reds crumbled yellows

Envisioned with smiles though it looks sharp and mean
all my blades of grass are the same color green

And the recked rec center field appears to be Wales mountain Blorenge
so I sketch it on out with my half pieces of orange

There’s people all around staring at what I’m wearing
while trying to discover…
…My suit it’s purple got it at Shoppers World with my mother
with my black penny loafer they were hand me downs from my brother

Broken Crayons and blank canvases
formula for the colors
yet I don’t know what the answer is

I draw what I see and it’s never what it appears
there has to be more than 7mile
man I gotta get outta here

Couldn’t complain that my hand wasn’t the same
it was awkward like being 10 times the size of your nickname
Let them have their 24
you take that 8
with the right frame of mind your image will still be great

Lifes ups and downs all comes with the mixture
take whatever colors you have and make the perfect picture

Cracked Crayola

67 Days in Alaska (Psalm 30:5)

read my devotional today
it said the sun was on the way
weeping may endure for a night
but everything will be ok

so young boy just hold on tight
the darkness cant survive the light
just cuz they’re wrong don’t mean you’re right
life’s a battle you have to fight

…but why,
your purpose of life is not to die
fulfilling your destiny is life’s mystery why lie
while mingling through the millennium you’ve missed your chance to fly
ith every breath of forgiveness in your lungs He’s begging you to try…just try

do all that you can and with everything you can you do
so empty out your spirit and God will do the rest for you
timeliness is God’s decide so your patience must be trust
for if your seed was over anxious for the harvest would you ever enjoy the fruit

Yes the time seems endless and you were once seen fearless
I need you to hear this…

plant your feet firm in the wild
…don’t you run child

it’s been dim for a while
can’t see the shine for some miles

but the rays will arise
bright as bold look alive

if you’re resting in your demise
read Psalm 30:5

Silenced Pleased

Silenced pleased
Muffled chatter better than endless banter when you don’t pay attention and nobody is listening.
Same page different book
Same place different look
Across the atlas and at last
I task
myself to be better
You pull I push till we get it together
I think whole team
You notice no things
And those things
Seems to be the ones that matter
No high fives on these sidelines
So we just hide
Miscues with awkward laughter
When you try to probe
And we already know that opening up isn’t greater than the latter
So I shut down  internalize the frown
Until I figure out exactly how not to drown.
The answer becomes clear
sometimes just need you near
Level out the noise
Centered and poised
Silence leads to peace
Peace leads me to you
The solution to my everything when I don’t know what to do.
Lay your hands on my head
Rub a temple if you must
There’s no need to discuss
if it isn’t about us
I’m at ease in your silence pleased

Erratic Pace

Erratic Pace
So now I’m pacing all around 

I love you more than I can express but the expressions I expressed only showed the less 

Pace some more spew out emotions 

Raging like an uninterrupted erupted volcano 

Self desires “YOU JUST COULDN’T SAY NO” 
Pace again memories of my childhood remind me I’m like my parents -you know quiet. My dad ran off to deal with the problems 

My mom got high to ignore trying to solve them
I hid in closets so my demons couldn’t find me 

Close my eyes to see the demons inside of me
Pace some more -shadow boxing while clinching my core 

Not even sure what I’m swinging at- I can’t see straight anymore 

I gotta destroy something so this can stop destroying me

How ironic can I be, pacing till my feet bleed
Falling to knees asking He remove the pain 

All the while I’m vomiting-my ulcer fighting through the strain 
It hurts worst than when you did it cuz now it’s all my fault 

Yet it’s funny how both times I blamed it on my flaws. 

I’m the cause of the halt and now you wanting to leave 

Saying distance from the disappointment of people 

Because you disappointed in me 
I’m pouring gallons into pint glasses how wasteful 

Took a dose of my own medicine it was distasteful 

The abuse you were used too finally becomes useful

And the truth hurts but never been this brutal 
Pace aggressive – more speed going nowhere fast 

Intentions tho good they don’t always last 

pace through mixed emotions crying then I bust out and laugh 

Maybe critics would think I’m crazy but they don’t know the half
Pace erratically-drastically changing genetic make up

Swear the episodes of my life you couldn’t make up 

No lifetime movies can capture the drama that I’m made of

Pace until you can’t pace no more

Pace until your feet get sore 

Pace until you heal your core 

Pace erratically-drastically changing genetic make up

Swear the episodes of my life you couldn’t make it 

UnUtteredWords

UnUtteredWords
And now we walking on egg shells 

Trying to keep the peace 

When we both want to explode 

And it’s all because of me

All of my selfish ways even on my best days 

I can’t out run my past or decisions I made 
My actions don’t match those words 

Or all the things that you heard 

Maybe you could see to my heart 

See it’s no longer dark 
I’m a changed man with bad habits yet removed 

But don’t mean I’m not working, and I’m working for only you

It’s fucked up that it happen I admit that I’m wrong 

I’m emotionally weak when you needed me to be strong 

& I Don’t wanna know what happen after the love is gone
When you’re were throwing punches I left my guard down 

Unfortunately for us this goes 12rounds

My invisible counters, and untimed hooks.

Was only retaliation for bullshit that I took
Now ignorant of I

Going eye for an eye 

I get like that at times

Knowingly going blind 

Knowing I would die 

if you were to leave my side 
You were never perfect and I didn’t need you to be 

Honestly speaking you were perfect for me

Best friend you became 

And now I’m in a fear of loss 

It’s funny we never see the cost 

On how the effects out weigh cause 
Now the touch is feeling different 

And you don’t wanna listen 

So I write this in poetry to get it out my system 
Cold sweats and shakes-levy starting to break 

Working to save the only thing I could forsake 
It gets harder to maintain as the value increase 

I wasn’t equipped with the right tools and that’s to say the least

Doubt sets in-this isn’t meant for me

The clam starts closing to hide the pearl you seek. 
Memories resurface while fingers get to pointing

Only thing is their all pointing and me 

Misery is my company and I don’t let leave 

Humans are prone to error yet I wanna be error free

I keep asking God for forgiveness while I’ve never forgave me 

Backs against the wall and I don’t even wanna swing 

The fight died a long time ago but I haven’t left out the ring
Looking at the mirror not noticing the reflection 

The man is staring back like I’m looking in the wrong direction 

You know what you’re doing, and we all have choices

So live with the consequences of whatever the choice is 
Can’t get out my own way so around corners I’m bent

Don’t mind me-I’m just in the space my sins rent

No one around so the pen decided to vent. 
UnUtteredWords

A Letter To Love

A letter to love

Dear love

Forgive me for contacting you in a such desperate time but there’s some concerns of mine that I just can’t hide.

You see Im aware I abused and misused you – mistreated and lied. Yet leaned on your love simply to survive. The tide that rolled in was too strong to swim against so I embraced…drifting away from your place.

I’m lost love yet I have not lost love it’s funny how it happens that way.
I looked you dead in the heart and didn’t know what to say.

Now my feelings are a ball of cosmic confusion, and I can’t beat the feelings of me losing…
It all…again

Love please be a friend…could you reach out your hands and reel things in.

I mean I thought I’d done better, my best I did try
But you reneged on emotion and somehow I’m the reason why…

Oh love you’ve made a fool of me for the up tenth time
Now you’re knocking at my chest and running circles in my mind

The blood pumps slow…the heart beats fast and by brain projects memories of faded pictures on broken glass… Now I’m backsliding to my past. I don’t trust I don’t feel.
Operating like a robot when i know that I’m real.
By the time you get this letter it will be all too late…

Sincerely
Hate