67 Days in Alaska (Psalm 30:5)

read my devotional today
it said the sun was on the way
weeping may endure for a night
but everything will be ok

so young boy just hold on tight
the darkness cant survive the light
just cuz they’re wrong don’t mean you’re right
life’s a battle you have to fight

…but why,
your purpose of life is not to die
fulfilling your destiny is life’s mystery why lie
while mingling through the millennium you’ve missed your chance to fly
ith every breath of forgiveness in your lungs He’s begging you to try…just try

do all that you can and with everything you can you do
so empty out your spirit and God will do the rest for you
timeliness is God’s decide so your patience must be trust
for if your seed was over anxious for the harvest would you ever enjoy the fruit

Yes the time seems endless and you were once seen fearless
I need you to hear this…

plant your feet firm in the wild
…don’t you run child

it’s been dim for a while
can’t see the shine for some miles

but the rays will arise
bright as bold look alive

if you’re resting in your demise
read Psalm 30:5

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Erratic Pace

Erratic Pace
So now I’m pacing all around 

I love you more than I can express but the expressions I expressed only showed the less 

Pace some more spew out emotions 

Raging like an uninterrupted erupted volcano 

Self desires “YOU JUST COULDN’T SAY NO” 
Pace again memories of my childhood remind me I’m like my parents -you know quiet. My dad ran off to deal with the problems 

My mom got high to ignore trying to solve them
I hid in closets so my demons couldn’t find me 

Close my eyes to see the demons inside of me
Pace some more -shadow boxing while clinching my core 

Not even sure what I’m swinging at- I can’t see straight anymore 

I gotta destroy something so this can stop destroying me

How ironic can I be, pacing till my feet bleed
Falling to knees asking He remove the pain 

All the while I’m vomiting-my ulcer fighting through the strain 
It hurts worst than when you did it cuz now it’s all my fault 

Yet it’s funny how both times I blamed it on my flaws. 

I’m the cause of the halt and now you wanting to leave 

Saying distance from the disappointment of people 

Because you disappointed in me 
I’m pouring gallons into pint glasses how wasteful 

Took a dose of my own medicine it was distasteful 

The abuse you were used too finally becomes useful

And the truth hurts but never been this brutal 
Pace aggressive – more speed going nowhere fast 

Intentions tho good they don’t always last 

pace through mixed emotions crying then I bust out and laugh 

Maybe critics would think I’m crazy but they don’t know the half
Pace erratically-drastically changing genetic make up

Swear the episodes of my life you couldn’t make up 

No lifetime movies can capture the drama that I’m made of

Pace until you can’t pace no more

Pace until your feet get sore 

Pace until you heal your core 

Pace erratically-drastically changing genetic make up

Swear the episodes of my life you couldn’t make it 

UnUtteredWords

UnUtteredWords
And now we walking on egg shells 

Trying to keep the peace 

When we both want to explode 

And it’s all because of me

All of my selfish ways even on my best days 

I can’t out run my past or decisions I made 
My actions don’t match those words 

Or all the things that you heard 

Maybe you could see to my heart 

See it’s no longer dark 
I’m a changed man with bad habits yet removed 

But don’t mean I’m not working, and I’m working for only you

It’s fucked up that it happen I admit that I’m wrong 

I’m emotionally weak when you needed me to be strong 

& I Don’t wanna know what happen after the love is gone
When you’re were throwing punches I left my guard down 

Unfortunately for us this goes 12rounds

My invisible counters, and untimed hooks.

Was only retaliation for bullshit that I took
Now ignorant of I

Going eye for an eye 

I get like that at times

Knowingly going blind 

Knowing I would die 

if you were to leave my side 
You were never perfect and I didn’t need you to be 

Honestly speaking you were perfect for me

Best friend you became 

And now I’m in a fear of loss 

It’s funny we never see the cost 

On how the effects out weigh cause 
Now the touch is feeling different 

And you don’t wanna listen 

So I write this in poetry to get it out my system 
Cold sweats and shakes-levy starting to break 

Working to save the only thing I could forsake 
It gets harder to maintain as the value increase 

I wasn’t equipped with the right tools and that’s to say the least

Doubt sets in-this isn’t meant for me

The clam starts closing to hide the pearl you seek. 
Memories resurface while fingers get to pointing

Only thing is their all pointing and me 

Misery is my company and I don’t let leave 

Humans are prone to error yet I wanna be error free

I keep asking God for forgiveness while I’ve never forgave me 

Backs against the wall and I don’t even wanna swing 

The fight died a long time ago but I haven’t left out the ring
Looking at the mirror not noticing the reflection 

The man is staring back like I’m looking in the wrong direction 

You know what you’re doing, and we all have choices

So live with the consequences of whatever the choice is 
Can’t get out my own way so around corners I’m bent

Don’t mind me-I’m just in the space my sins rent

No one around so the pen decided to vent. 
UnUtteredWords

A Letter To Love

A letter to love

Dear love

Forgive me for contacting you in a such desperate time but there’s some concerns of mine that I just can’t hide.

You see Im aware I abused and misused you – mistreated and lied. Yet leaned on your love simply to survive. The tide that rolled in was too strong to swim against so I embraced…drifting away from your place.

I’m lost love yet I have not lost love it’s funny how it happens that way.
I looked you dead in the heart and didn’t know what to say.

Now my feelings are a ball of cosmic confusion, and I can’t beat the feelings of me losing…
It all…again

Love please be a friend…could you reach out your hands and reel things in.

I mean I thought I’d done better, my best I did try
But you reneged on emotion and somehow I’m the reason why…

Oh love you’ve made a fool of me for the up tenth time
Now you’re knocking at my chest and running circles in my mind

The blood pumps slow…the heart beats fast and by brain projects memories of faded pictures on broken glass… Now I’m backsliding to my past. I don’t trust I don’t feel.
Operating like a robot when i know that I’m real.
By the time you get this letter it will be all too late…

Sincerely
Hate

Crown me #TheUnpleasedKing

The Unpleased King

I offered them my best, but I only demanded more
Never pained me in my heart but knotted up my core

Blood teared ulcers drowned in cognac sorrows
Crown myself today but crucify myself tomorrow
Consistently looking for a praise that I can borrow

Knowing there’s straighten arrow path…
It’s too narrow for my nature
I take a few steps on the road and laugh

Listen to the birds just soaring in the sky
Perplexed with the question of why not I

The fear of falling got me scared of flying… Timid living
A holy life got me kind of bored…now I’m sinning
Maybe if they paid attention more it’d be different
Or I coulda opened up more but who the fuck I’m kiddin

My eternal issues are an internal issue.
Say a pray for me -not pity-
I need God not your tissue.

Waiting on my big break hope it’s not down…
They say you either sink or swim
Maybe this is where I drown

My true reign still remains to be seen. Eclipsed by my enemies haunting me in my dreams. Ignoring all the conquering I accomplished in this regime.

No matter how my run went

Crown me  #TheUnpleasedKing

Make Your Place Here

Drawn into you like a magnetic field 

Clinging to every single emotion I have for you

Rather it be too soon or right on time Fuck safe! That’s the best part! It’s unsafe 

To arrive with such force 

And for a moment Im one with your supernatural being 

& I’ve lost all control I’ve relinquished all power 

It was natural like I just seen stars heard screams nails piercing my back bites on my neck, Shake and jerk push and pull come but do not go…

No please don’t go… Make your place here


Make your place here redecorate the interior
You can stay for a while 

Thats if you don’t have somewhere else to be

Paint the walls if you must, but the mess is yours to clean up

Be careful when moving the furniture I don’t want the floors to get damaged 

Everything has a place as there’s a place for everything 

so place those things properly if you know what I mean 

I’ve seen this space be shared for two

So yes please don’t leave… Make your place here

WallFlower

Wallflower 


I’ll dance across the worlds atlas with you, 

leaving rhythmic footprints across continents

In tuned to a rhythm no one can hear but you. 

But the sound fades… And my feet become cement blocks

And my heart sweats it’s all out of moves 

not to the point of two left feet just too many wrong song choices


Melodic notes whisper “wanna dance”

And my soul replies I’ll sit this one out

The Atmosphere of Here

As you ride through the city night and you see the city lights 

The stars shine bright 

And the breeze is just right 

You laugh cuz you experience it all 

With a smile or a blush -this makes you 10ft tall

Corinne Bailey Rae plays & all the lights turn green

And you’re asking God what does it all really mean  


Looking through the sunroof staring at the sky 
Hope she doesn’t catch me staring at her eyes 

For her lips tell truths and my hands tell lies 

So I crack the knuckles in my hand to keep the nerves in disguise 

And I’m hoping the night stays young 

To answer restless questions of the why’s 


Why she doesn’t do this 

And why he doesn’t have that 

Trying to find solutions are steady holding us back 


You can see the battle in those eyes and the tears that they cried 

Hear the fear in the heart just waiting for a spark 

Maybe an inspiration to change the situation 

from the world they were facing 

And the fear they were embracing 

…it’s the atmosphere here 

Less Than Not Equal To (Part 1)

My math has been wrong 

For feelings that were too strong 

& I don’t know what to do 

Less Than Not Equal To


Sharp as a tack, when I attack or react 

So when they push me to that point tact is what I lack

I don’t believe in mercy only forcing them to regret, 

U won’t get the same pity I show a kid or a pet 


I’m only significant 

to those who know my reach is infinite 

But those who only want the benefit 

I can’t get up I’m impotent. 

I am one of one so there can be no equivalent 

Firm in my stance so I don’t break or bend a bit


Open my chest plate, and pulled my heart from the inside 

exposed it to you watching you take me for a ride 

through your galaxy as asteroids destroyed my faux steroid muscles, 

i tussled with gravity that never pulled me close enough to touch you

you were so out of this world 

I was so out of my mind 

for some dumb reason I thought stars would align 

ignoring the warning signs 


Knowing I could put on a facade or just self sabotage

Bomb like kamikaze or chop like karate. 

I mended broken bridges, used band aids for fixes 

While you took doors off the hinges and cut holes in picket fences 

While I was on some build it and they would come 

You were more break it and being dumb 

Which may work for some 

But I’m honestly not the one


Warning of mentally checking out cuz i wanted to be fair 

Never asking for too much just that you’ll always be there 

But you were so far left that I was always right, 

pride wouldn’t let me submit so you chose to fight 


Debating without logic sounds like common rhetoric 

eventually my intellect just got ahead of it, 

& you got ahead of that and decided to shut down 

royally damaging the kingdom heavy is the head that wears the crown. 


My math has been wrong 

For feelings that were too strong 

& I don’t know what to do 

Less Than Not Equal To…part 1 

A LETTER TO THE QUEEN

I’m not leaving “you” I am leaving a space that I’ve outgrown to grow into a new space designed for me. What I sought out I did not find, a state of peace or a peace of mind. I left love in it’s truest form, for the common love of funds. Only to end back up where I truly begun.

Everyone came to you-but I left there. Confused of where I was going I moved with a blank stare. Though challenges connected us, disconnection were the challenges. Consistently colliding while I’m always trying to manage “this”. Like wtf is “THIS” it’s cool when it’s cool but my heart is elsewhere so it’s impossible to be with you. And I steal moments that don’t turn into memories, giving so much into you that I don’t even remember me. Hey you… Man in the mirror remember me?

Running from the pain of past to the pain of your present-just gift wrapped better so what’s hidden isn’t evident. I try to be clever but my ignorance is prevalent. Like you appear to be heavenly but the hell with thinking you were heaven sent.

I hung out in university with you often-but cruising uptown put my pockets in a coffin. Everybody was your friend if you had a drink in your hand. I was only the man in the gym I attend. Taught me the meaning of family- that others shared so candidly, but I must break away from you for the sake of sanity.

I would’ve gone ill to give you health
Gone broke to give you wealth
Died to give you life…
But to exist- like this
just didn’t seem right
I smiled in your light
Fought my demons in your night
The perfect vision of hindsight
Blind folded my eyes’ sight

So good night farewell bye bye
…I must say
as beautiful as you are
I just can’t stay
But as royal as you can be- yet remains to be seen

Sincerely… Me
Sealed and closed a letter to the Queen
LuHeff